Microsoft Word for Poets

Being an author is a difficult job. Aside from the mania of writers block and the ever present danger of caffeine overdose, there are the myriad dangers inherent in the tools of the craft. Hand cramps, paper cuts and bloodshot eyes occur with even the best pens, paper and that bane and dream of the modern world, the computer.

Ergonomic issues aside, one of the most maddening aspects of the modern computer is it's compulsion with being "helpful." Microsoft has gone to great lengths to ensure that it's programs barrage you with offers of assistance, with the thinly veiled assumption that you really don't know what you are doing and that the computer somehow does. My favorite aspect of these features is the fact that you can turn them off. So, for the benefit of those far more skilled in writing than me (I? perhaps I need more help that I realize) I offer the following tutorial on how to make Microsoft Word shut up and let you write without interruption.

Microsoft Word for Mac 2004

1. The first place to visit on our quest to quiet Word is the Preferences menu under the Word menu:

2. After opening up the Preferences, click on the Spelling and Grammar Settings. The following screenshot shows what these preferences should look like after disabling the options for automatic spellchecking and grammar checking.

3. Next we need to change the Writing Style in the Grammar section to disable a few more features. Select Custom from the drop down menu and then click the Settings button. Uncheck any items that are selected in the Grammar and Style Options section.

4. Click the OK button in the Grammar Settings window to save these changes. Then click the OK button in the Preferences window to go back to the main Word window.

5. We now need to disable the automatic formatting settings. You can access these via the AutoCorrect option under the Tools menu.

6. We will be disabling most of the functionality for automatic correction and formatting. First disable all options in the AutoCorrect screen as follows.

7. Next disable all the options in the AutoFormat As You Type screen as follows.

8. Now disable all options in the AutoText screen.

9. Finally, disable all the options in the AutoFormat screen.

10. Save your changes by clicking the OK button.

You should now be able to write without any interruption. Now if you could just figure out what to write about.......